I’ve finally reached the halfway mark of my walks.
Fifty miles have come and gone, though it took them a lot longer than I thought it would.
In the spring I thought that finishing this walking challenge would barely be challenging. After all, in the first month alone, I racked up 24 miles and wrote 12 different blog posts.
Looking back at my page’s history, the frenzy of a hypomanic spring is clear.
But the languor of a summer’s depression is even clearer. The next 26 miles took me five and a half months.
Seeing that written is embarrassing, and while I want to say that it was the best I could do, I’m not entirely sure that’s true.
Then again, is it even realistic, or healthy, to expect my best all the time?
The functional hypomania of my late twenties and early thirties left me with a lot of success, but also crippling anxiety and perfectionism.
So what is the plan as 2021 comes to a close?
Depressed Stephanie says to give up on this challenge. Fifty miles is good enough. I’ve already raised my funds, spread awareness, written many parts of my story. I could walk away with a bruised ego and an asterisk at the bottom of the page.
Hypomanic Stephanie says to walk a mile every day and write a post after every single one: that this project needs to end the way it began.
So what would a healthy Stephanie say? What walking speed might speak her into existence?
I see, now, that this may be where the real challenge lies. I did, after all, pledge to walk 100 miles- not run them.
I need to find a sustainable pace to set for my journey to wellness.
I’ve been practicing mindfulness, learning to be comfortable sitting still. But the real success of this year will be if I can use the clarity that the stillness gives me to urge myself steadily forward, one step at a time.
So my goal from now until January, my preemptive New Year’s resolution, is to close things out with moderation.
To make myself a schedule of walks and stick to them.
Fifty miles in 46 days is an ambitious but achievable goal.
The kind of goal that takes intention and dedication and discipline.
I don’t have a great way to end this post, except to say that I know I need to keep moving.
And to thank you for coming on this journey with me.
50 miles down, 50 more to go.