It was two years ago today that we officially labeled what was happening to me as a problem. It was two years ago today that my mother FaceTimed me when I had just woken up from a nap. “How are you doing?” she asked, and I launched into a sermon. “We’re doing great!” I shouted,…
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Don’t Miss the Flowers for the Freeze
It’s perhaps fitting that I last posted for New Year’s, and that I’m finally posting again just after Nowruz– the Persian New Year. I always felt that it was more natural to celebrate the new year with the arrival of spring. Spring is such a time for hope- new growth, new warmth, new babies. But…
Read MoreA New Year’s Resoulution
Few years in my life have felt as long as this one. Last year, on New Year’s, I declared that I’d had the hardest year of my life, and therefore I was the strongest I’d ever been. In the end, this proved to be true. Although I faced many familiar battles this year, I fought…
Read MorePsycho-ho-ho-sis
In my last post, I mentioned how challenging it is to be cooped up in the house with Bailey so often. But on my latest solo walk on the day after Christmas, I got to think a lot about all of the lovely ways in which being cooped up in the house for Bailey’s first…
Read MoreQuarantired
Matt and I both took the day before Christmas Eve off, to prepare for the arrival of his mom and her husband. Bailey still had daycare, so we had the luxury of being able to clean outside the confines of naptime and without a small, very well-meaning helper getting in the way. We were in…
Read MoreThanks be to Godparents
Last week I walked with my godfather. He and my godmother, my aunt and uncle, have always been some of my biggest cheerleaders. When I was a kid, they went through elaborate journeys to find me the perfect gifts I requested, whether that was a play tent, a croquet set, or a live toad. My…
Read MoreA Team is a Wish Your Heart Makes
The theme of one of Monday’s walks was definitely caretaking. I walked while talking to an old friend from graduate school, who has had two babies in the last two years. With each of them, she had hyperemesis gravidarum– a condition that causes intense nausea and vomiting throughout one’s entire pregnancy and results in dehydration,…
Read MoreStay with Me, The World is Dark and Wild
Yesterday I took a mother/daughter walk with Bailey. Which feels more significant now that she can talk a little bit. “Walk!” she says, as I get her shoes on. “Outside!” she cries in disappointment when I put her and the stroller in the car to drive to our destination- she wants to hurry up and…
Read MoreA New Leash on Life
I’m not sure how to write about today’s walk because it had two poles of its own. On the one hand, I had a lovely walk with my friend from college where I recounted the ways in which I made genuine friendships with the most unexpected but inspiring people in the ward this time, and…
Read MoreA Twist of Fate
I had another manic/psychotic episode. If you’ve been worried about me, don’t be. If you haven’t, don’t be. This isn’t really meant to be a post about anything except gratitude. And maybe a little soapboxing. I have gratitude for the fact that some people experience psychosis only once in their lives. Paradoxically, I also have…
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Postpartum Psychosisterhood 