I should have learned by now not to jinx things. That if I talked about how smoothly ECT was going some force somewhere would laugh in my face for acting so certain, so confident, that things were working out. Because the very next night after my first treatment I started to feel feverish, with chills…
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Seizing the Day
The hardest part of today was getting in the elevator. ECT is administered in the same building where I was hospitalized during my first manic episode. As I pressed the down button, I could faintly see a group gathering in the cafeteria down the hall, getting ready to eat their breakfast. I remembered the first…
Read MoreEasy as ECT
After a long absence from this blog, I came back to keep a record of the next chapter of my story: I’m starting ECT tomorrow. ECT, which stands for electroconvulsive therapy, is the new branding of shock therapy. It is, however, much more targeted than the old days (as my doctor said, it’s now more…
Read MoreBack to the Beginning
It was two years ago today that we officially labeled what was happening to me as a problem. It was two years ago today that my mother FaceTimed me when I had just woken up from a nap. “How are you doing?” she asked, and I launched into a sermon. “We’re doing great!” I shouted,…
Read MoreDon’t Miss the Flowers for the Freeze
It’s perhaps fitting that I last posted for New Year’s, and that I’m finally posting again just after Nowruz– the Persian New Year. I always felt that it was more natural to celebrate the new year with the arrival of spring. Spring is such a time for hope- new growth, new warmth, new babies. But…
Read MoreA New Year’s Resoulution
Few years in my life have felt as long as this one. Last year, on New Year’s, I declared that I’d had the hardest year of my life, and therefore I was the strongest I’d ever been. In the end, this proved to be true. Although I faced many familiar battles this year, I fought…
Read MoreTake Some Self-Ease
On my last solo walk of this challenge, I thought a lot about solitude. I was never a fan of it in my younger years. In fact, I was so unaccustomed to being alone that I once asked Matt, before we were dating, whether he would bring a chair into the communal bathroom in our…
Read MorePsycho-ho-ho-sis
In my last post, I mentioned how challenging it is to be cooped up in the house with Bailey so often. But on my latest solo walk on the day after Christmas, I got to think a lot about all of the lovely ways in which being cooped up in the house for Bailey’s first…
Read MoreMisfortune-Telling
Last night, just before Matt and I went to bed, I started feeling upset and, at first, didn’t understand why. It wasn’t massive-mood-swing upset, so it didn’t scare me, but it did catch me off guard. “What’s wrong?” Matt asked, and it surprised me how quickly the answer came to me once he asked. “I’m…
Read MoreExpect the Unexpected
Yesterday I walked with an old high school friend I hadn’t talked to in a long time. This blog has been a great way to reconnect with people and hear more about their stories of pregnancy, childbirth, and child rearing as we all reach the age when that’s become more common. One of the things…
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Postpartum Psychosisterhood 