Yesterday I had a lovely but utilitarian walk to the post office to get stamps for our Christmas cards. As I walked, I talked to my old college roommate, Colleen, who has been a rock of support to both me and Matt throughout this entire ordeal. I even got to hear a few attempts at…
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A Team is a Wish Your Heart Makes
The theme of one of Monday’s walks was definitely caretaking. I walked while talking to an old friend from graduate school, who has had two babies in the last two years. With each of them, she had hyperemesis gravidarum– a condition that causes intense nausea and vomiting throughout one’s entire pregnancy and results in dehydration,…
Read MoreStay with Me, The World is Dark and Wild
Yesterday I took a mother/daughter walk with Bailey. Which feels more significant now that she can talk a little bit. “Walk!” she says, as I get her shoes on. “Outside!” she cries in disappointment when I put her and the stroller in the car to drive to our destination- she wants to hurry up and…
Read MoreA Blaze of Crazy
Yesterday I walked on my treadmill because it was raining. My husband set me up with his walking workout which, for me, turned out to be more of a run. I found this very unpleasant, but at least I got a quick mile logged. I watched the show “Never Have I Ever” and one of…
Read MoreQue Sera Serotonin
Talking to a survivor this morning felt like coming home. She and I met through our psychosis support group. I was shocked when I went to my first group and heard how similar all our stories were. One woman asked if anyone else had been diagnosed with bipolar, and the vast majority of us nodded.…
Read MoreClosure through Disclosure
Today I walked in my old neighborhood, with my old boss (who used to hold my current position). She is a gem of a human, and someone I’ve always looked up to, so it was great to finally connect again for the first time since the summer. I told her about my latest episode, and…
Read MoreIdeal with Anger
Today I went for a hike at a nearby mountain. I’ve been meaning to spend more time there, and though it was a challenging hike, the view was worth it and the self reflection was important. I did a lot of reflecting about anger. I get mad at myself a lot these days. I’m mad…
Read MoreI Think Therefore I’m Damned
Today I walked to a cemetery. Not for any particular reason, except that I like the view. It sits on a hill, in the shadow of the distinctive mountain near my house, with some old scraggly trees. It’s the kind of place that’s good for thinking. I’m realizing I’ve been avoiding doing much thinking lately.…
Read MoreA Twist of Fate
I had another manic/psychotic episode. If you’ve been worried about me, don’t be. If you haven’t, don’t be. This isn’t really meant to be a post about anything except gratitude. And maybe a little soapboxing. I have gratitude for the fact that some people experience psychosis only once in their lives. Paradoxically, I also have…
Read MoreThe Deep Blues Sea
(Content warning: this post discusses details of my psychiatric hospitalization. If that’s triggering for you, you may want to skip this one, and know that I’m sending you all my love). This week I walked with a friend and her four-month-old. It’s surreal to watch my friends with babies now and to realize that my…
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Postpartum Psychosisterhood 