It was two years ago today that we officially labeled what was happening to me as a problem. It was two years ago today that my mother FaceTimed me when I had just woken up from a nap. “How are you doing?” she asked, and I launched into a sermon. “We’re doing great!” I shouted,…
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Take Some Self-Ease
On my last solo walk of this challenge, I thought a lot about solitude. I was never a fan of it in my younger years. In fact, I was so unaccustomed to being alone that I once asked Matt, before we were dating, whether he would bring a chair into the communal bathroom in our…
Read MoreQuarantired
Matt and I both took the day before Christmas Eve off, to prepare for the arrival of his mom and her husband. Bailey still had daycare, so we had the luxury of being able to clean outside the confines of naptime and without a small, very well-meaning helper getting in the way. We were in…
Read MoreExpect the Unexpected
Yesterday I walked with an old high school friend I hadn’t talked to in a long time. This blog has been a great way to reconnect with people and hear more about their stories of pregnancy, childbirth, and child rearing as we all reach the age when that’s become more common. One of the things…
Read MoreStay with Me, The World is Dark and Wild
Yesterday I took a mother/daughter walk with Bailey. Which feels more significant now that she can talk a little bit. “Walk!” she says, as I get her shoes on. “Outside!” she cries in disappointment when I put her and the stroller in the car to drive to our destination- she wants to hurry up and…
Read MoreI Think Therefore I’m Damned
Today I walked to a cemetery. Not for any particular reason, except that I like the view. It sits on a hill, in the shadow of the distinctive mountain near my house, with some old scraggly trees. It’s the kind of place that’s good for thinking. I’m realizing I’ve been avoiding doing much thinking lately.…
Read MoreI Love.
We’re starting to get stronger. My whole family. Yesterday, after walking to get lasagna noodles, of all things, and then carrying my baby through our woods like she was a 28-pound kettle bell, I could feel the change in our household’s energy. When I dance now, I’m genuinely dancing. When Matt laughs, he genuinely laughs.…
Read MoreThe Deep Blues Sea
(Content warning: this post discusses details of my psychiatric hospitalization. If that’s triggering for you, you may want to skip this one, and know that I’m sending you all my love). This week I walked with a friend and her four-month-old. It’s surreal to watch my friends with babies now and to realize that my…
Read MoreComing to Terms with Your Selves
Last week was the first official walk I took while talking to another survivor of postpartum psychosis. It is such a comfort to talk to other survivors, and so inspiring. She is an unbelievably strong person. It takes a unique kind of strength to come to terms with your psychotic self. That part of you…
Read MoreTime Before Time
This week, I talked to Erica while I walked. Erica and I used to work together, and first got to know each other by taking walks along the river outside our office, whenever either of us needed a mental break from the frenzied pace of the day. I can’t believe that it’s been almost a…
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Postpartum Psychosisterhood 