The hardest part of today was getting in the elevator. ECT is administered in the same building where I was hospitalized during my first manic episode. As I pressed the down button, I could faintly see a group gathering in the cafeteria down the hall, getting ready to eat their breakfast. I remembered the first…
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Easy as ECT
After a long absence from this blog, I came back to keep a record of the next chapter of my story: I’m starting ECT tomorrow. ECT, which stands for electroconvulsive therapy, is the new branding of shock therapy. It is, however, much more targeted than the old days (as my doctor said, it’s now more…
Read MoreBack to the Beginning
It was two years ago today that we officially labeled what was happening to me as a problem. It was two years ago today that my mother FaceTimed me when I had just woken up from a nap. “How are you doing?” she asked, and I launched into a sermon. “We’re doing great!” I shouted,…
Read MoreDon’t Miss the Flowers for the Freeze
It’s perhaps fitting that I last posted for New Year’s, and that I’m finally posting again just after Nowruz– the Persian New Year. I always felt that it was more natural to celebrate the new year with the arrival of spring. Spring is such a time for hope- new growth, new warmth, new babies. But…
Read MoreA New Year’s Resoulution
Few years in my life have felt as long as this one. Last year, on New Year’s, I declared that I’d had the hardest year of my life, and therefore I was the strongest I’d ever been. In the end, this proved to be true. Although I faced many familiar battles this year, I fought…
Read MoreMisfortune-Telling
Last night, just before Matt and I went to bed, I started feeling upset and, at first, didn’t understand why. It wasn’t massive-mood-swing upset, so it didn’t scare me, but it did catch me off guard. “What’s wrong?” Matt asked, and it surprised me how quickly the answer came to me once he asked. “I’m…
Read MoreA Little Help from my Friends
Yesterday I had a lovely but utilitarian walk to the post office to get stamps for our Christmas cards. As I walked, I talked to my old college roommate, Colleen, who has been a rock of support to both me and Matt throughout this entire ordeal. I even got to hear a few attempts at…
Read MoreA Team is a Wish Your Heart Makes
The theme of one of Monday’s walks was definitely caretaking. I walked while talking to an old friend from graduate school, who has had two babies in the last two years. With each of them, she had hyperemesis gravidarum– a condition that causes intense nausea and vomiting throughout one’s entire pregnancy and results in dehydration,…
Read MoreStay with Me, The World is Dark and Wild
Yesterday I took a mother/daughter walk with Bailey. Which feels more significant now that she can talk a little bit. “Walk!” she says, as I get her shoes on. “Outside!” she cries in disappointment when I put her and the stroller in the car to drive to our destination- she wants to hurry up and…
Read MoreClosure through Disclosure
Today I walked in my old neighborhood, with my old boss (who used to hold my current position). She is a gem of a human, and someone I’ve always looked up to, so it was great to finally connect again for the first time since the summer. I told her about my latest episode, and…
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Postpartum Psychosisterhood 